Party of One...

First off I apologize for two things. 1. I haven't posted in almost two weeks...I am falling behind a bit. 2. This post may crossover with some of the previous posts.

One thing I have found this summer through research for this blog (and in general discernment) is that it is very difficult to find information on the single life. It is also very difficult to avoid the pressure from a society that is set on the vocation of marriage. It is everywhere...it is the norm, but because of the prevalence of marriage and dating it is difficult to focus on the single life as an option...possibly why many don't even give it a thought.

I was introduced to a book a few weeks back, "Party of One: Living Single with Faith, Purpose, and Passion" - Beth M. Knobbe. Anyone interested in reading it is welcome to borrow it when I am finished, just let me know. I have only made it 4-5 chapters in so far but it has been an interesting way to look at the single life vocation. The book is written by someone who is living the single life, with excerpts from married who considered the single life and other singles who are still discerning or have decided to be single for the rest of their life. The book covers a little of the discernment process and addresses some of the things that singles are faced with: being questioned on why they are still single, not being considered 'grown-up' yet, and having relatives and friends try to set them up.

I will admit that this weeks post comes with a little stress...a third apology. This last week I was hit with a ton of marriage reminders while at Alive in You. Staff members my age, babies that came on the mission trip, talk from the adults about their spouses and their own children that they brought on the trip. It was a lot all at once to be surrounded by. I still struggle which direction I am being called married life or the single life without much movement toward one or the other. I sat in adoration at Alive in You on Saturday night asking where he wants me. Maybe I still have much to learn about silencing my mind, listening, and letting go. I can't find a happiness in either vocation because I am conflicted by the other. The cons of one vocation are the pros of the other, and thus they sit in balance difficult to find one rising above the other.

St. Louis...visiting Dominicans

I am in St. Louis for Solemn Vows, Brs. Luke, Nick, and Jude. (Pray for them and their continued ministry). I love hanging out with Dominicans. I was talking to the vocations director, and future vocations director, about the single life and the struggles I have come to while looking for information on it. Here is a short summary of what each had to say.

Fr. Andrew-Carl Wisdom: The closest thing in the Dominicans to the single life is the Dominican laity, which involves both married and single. One of our newest chapters is at Purdue. He also mentioned that vowed single life is not irreversable. In single life you devote yourself and your ministry to the church. You make your commitment first and foremost to your partner (the church) but if someone comes along that compliments your ministry then the possibility of marriage is still there. But they have to fit into the relationship you already have with the church.

Fr. Andrew McAlpin: You don't often hear much about the single life as a vocation. You very rarely hear someone discerning the married life and single life. You have to discern where you find yourself in peace. You can date as a single life as long as you let the other know you aren't marriage material. I am not in favor of long discernment processes, after a few years living the life, you learn the ins and outs, you know if you feel at peace with that vocation or not. It is a dilemma sometimes though, finding that peace.

I love what I do at St. Tom's, to the extent, that I feel called to that ministry and that I could do that for the rest of my life. Do I want for a spouse, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Can I give fully in my ministry with a spouse? Maybe. I have not yet found a girl that would compliment my ministry, obviously...I'm not married. But until I do, if I do, I can live in service to my church as a lay minister...maybe even a Third Order Dominican...?