Community...

I think that one of the most difficult part of the single life is finding community. Married life have spouses, religious have their fellow brothers or sisters, the single life does not come with a built in community. I have found this to be one of the more difficult parts of my discernment. How does one find a community when one does not naturally present itself?

The difficulties I have come across are not having anyone my age around, not being able to trully form bonds with the students, my own work ethic...also my slight obsession with staying busy, and my closest friends making life decisions that remove them from my general vacinity (not faulting them on living out their vocations).

Community is an important part of our being as humans. We have a need to feel accepted and belong. It can be difficult to find that community, but it is important to find nonetheless. Not having someone to go to when you need a shoulder to lean on can be weigh heavy on your shoulders and cause you to feel like an outsider. The trick is finding the right community...

A Note on the Single Life by Alle Owens

Check out this link

This is something I found today after having Alle speak at our Theology on Tap event.

The Sacred Single Life:

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

The sacred single life is the vocation, I believe, most of us struggle with accepting. The proverbial phrase “the grass is greener on the other side” always seems to be a constant thought, that those who are married or who have found a vocation in the religious life or priesthood have it all. Or, at least they seem to have that one duck in a row that we all desire to have. Believe it or not, the sacred single life is just as beautiful and rewarding when we take a step back and look at what God is asking of us in this time of preparation.

How often are we able to drop everything we are doing to help another? How often are we able to change our plans on a whim because a great opportunity has come up? How many of us can say that our time is ours? Many of us value and appreciate these blessings in our life and yet we at times desire to wish them away for what we believe is better. Have you ever stopped to think that God has placed you exactly where He needs you to accomplish His divine will, instead of wondering why He hasn’t provided this or that? We have been given a great gift of freedom, but with that freedom we are also called to responsibility. Our role in the church is vital. We are called to live a life of virtue, holiness, and sacrifice in a unique way. We are called to give back what has been given to us.

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, the man of the beatitudes, is a wonderful example of a young, single man living out the call to holiness. Instead of sitting and wondering the “what if’s” of life or dwelling on what will or might come, he stood up and took action. With the great gift of freedom he was given he served the poor, and brought Christ to those who were so desperately in need of love. Are we doing the same?

• Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
• Blessed are the meek: for they shall posses the land.
• Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
• Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill
• Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
• Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
• Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
• Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Until we open our hearts and accept the will of God in our lives, we will not find true joy and fulfillment. The single life is a time of preparation, a time of waiting in hope for God’s will to continually be revealed. Most of us will be called to marriage or to a religious vocation, but there are those who will be called to a live a life of perpetual singlehood. Nonetheless, this gift we have been given whether short or long must not be ignored. How are we actively preparing and discerning God’s will?

We all desire to be loved. We were made to love and be loved. It is very easy to think that the desire to be loved is to be fulfilled by another, instead of the One who is LOVE. Christ desires to be the one to charm our hearts. Are we letting Him? Are we open to God’s love and His specific call to holiness for us?

As we continue to pray and train for Race for Vocations let us keep in mind that God has great plans for us, plans for our welfare not for woe. Plans to gives us a future full of great Hope!

- Alle Owens

Book Review...?

So I just finished reading this book "Party of One." It was suggested to me by one of the coordinators of the "Catholics on Call" conference that I attended at the beginning of August. I am not going to call it life changing...I don't want to get anyone's hopes up...however. I really enjoyed this book. It was something I could read chapter by chapter at my own pace and it kind of gives an overview of what exactly the single life vocation is, if you have been following this blog you will know that it has been very difficult for me to find a ton of information on the single life. This book attacks the question starting out with what the single life is NOT. The book is written by a lady who lives in Chicago, who lives the single life vocation. But it isn't just her story, she has also gathered the stories of several people who have discerned the single life, are currently discerning, and who live the single life. It hits on many of the struggles that a single faces, questions like "why aren't you dating?", "can i set you up with my friend?", "are you just not interested in the opposite sex?", and the assumptions "they just couldn't find anyone", "they can do it they don't have a family at home to care for", "singles are carefree".

Reading this book has helped to ease my mind on a discernment of the single life vocation. Over this summer it has become more and more of a viable option for my future. At least for the current time I feel that I am moving my focus for discernment solely to the single life...if a lovely lady comes along I'm not just going to leave her hanging but reading this book has helped clarify a lot of the vocation for me and I want to spend my energy toward something that I really feel God might be calling me toward.

At the very least this book has given me the background, and sparked the fire. Whether or not I am called to the single life...still God's decision...I now feel the confidence and the urge to be an advocate for the vocation that is often forgotten. I want to be able to explain to others that this is a viable option for them as well, but ultimately that it is God who will call them...we just have to be open to listen.

Catholics on Call

I attended the Catholics on Call contreat (conference-retreat) this week. It was an eye opening experience and one I will not soon forget. Catholics on Call was a gathering of Young Adult Catholics who are discerning their life vocations and career vocations. We were all in different places in our discernment processes. But we all held much in common, and because of this we connected quickly.

Some of the most memorable moments were made after 10pm, with theological discussion, night prayer, and praise and worship.

What I took out of this week was the tools for further discernment. Am I doing it right, where should my focus be, am I truly open to what God is calling me to do?

Another point I took from this weekend was how I might serve the church more effectively. I feel inclined to seek out a Masters Degree in theology or pastoral ministries so that I might be better prepared to serve my parish and the greater Church community.

One of the greatest things that came from this weekend though was the amazing community from Catholics on Call. I learned so much this weekend and a lot of it was because of all those I shared the experience with. I love all of those who make up Catholics on Call 2012, we are the future of the Church...the Church is in good hands.

The long road less traveled...

After a long summer I realize several things...first I have not kept up on this blog as I originally planned...I still feel almost just as lost as I did at the beginning of the summer...I have learned a lot, most of which did not come from a book or a website (but a lot of what I did read was backed up by real life experiences. That was a very long sentence.

As I prepare to leave for a conference on Tuesday, my reality has changed a lot since I sat down to start this blog at the beginning of the summer. I sat down in May thinking this will be easy...yes it is hard to find information, but maybe if I look hard enough I will find it. Easier said than done. It is very difficult to find information...I have been reminded of this at every turn and every new point of information, even when speaking to vocations directors...they don't know what to say about the vocation. So what is it really...

What I have found this summer is that the Single Life is an intentional choice. It is not something taken lightly, or the result of not being able to find a partner (though it may seem that way sometimes). This vocation can bring great joy, but it also carries with it a feeling of sadness and loneliness, (usually in those times when one is not serving but is reflecting). And this vocation can be played out in many different ways, just as each person's life and vocation is different...so is every vocation to the single life. Single life does not mean eternally single, but it can mean that you never will marry. The single life is a way in which an individual serves the Lord, in a way that brings that person an indescribable happiness that is often difficult to convey to others. Those around you can't understand why you would be doing what you are doing...but something about it feels right, even if you never saw yourself doing it, but you still press on finding joy in the littlest of things. For me one of the smallest places I find joy is the changing of a light bulb; seemingly insignificant but after 4-5 light bulbs if the first few hadn't been changed others would start to notice that it was growing darker...one light bulb will can change the feel of a room.

I apologize if this post seems ranty or jumbled...basically this is me spitting out what I have run through this summer and trying to get it all off my chest. This summer has not been easy, it has been very difficult to truly open myself to discernment of the single life. At points I feel like I probably could live the single life and be very happy, but at several points this summer I have asked myself why I even consider the single life and if I would ever be able to "give up" the married life vocation. I still maintain that I am heavily discerning between the two, some days I just lean farther one way than the other. Discernment is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I hope and pray that in the end it is worth it. Through the storm I will travel to find the calm waiting for me. The struggle now will prepare me for my future vocation...not saying I will be an expert...and the life to come.

The long and narrow road...

I am learning more and more that the single life would be the much easier path for me. There are so many decisions that I want to make that would allow me to step forward in life...decitions that I would not be able to make attached to someone else. However, these decisions don't neccesarily cut out a future with a spouse. I continue to waver back and forth on which way to lean. I believe that the single life is one of the most difficult vocations to discern. First of all the most popular vocation, marriage, is the social norm and many do not understand/may even nudge you to keep looking for that future spouse...they're out there somewhere. Second, as a single you are still attracted to looking for a spouse, girls and guys don't stop looking cute when you commit yourself to the single life. Thirdly, not many people know about the single life as a vocation...even vocations directors have trouble explaining what it entails, or may not even bother with it if they don't sense that you have interest in the religious life, this can make the search even more frustrating....many play it off as not really being a legitamate vocation.

So we continue to discern, and try to find what it is that God has in store for us. What does he want to offer to us? Why does it sometimes feel like abandonment and loneliness? One day his plan will be revealed, until then prayer and discernment is what we have to lean on.

Party of One...

First off I apologize for two things. 1. I haven't posted in almost two weeks...I am falling behind a bit. 2. This post may crossover with some of the previous posts.

One thing I have found this summer through research for this blog (and in general discernment) is that it is very difficult to find information on the single life. It is also very difficult to avoid the pressure from a society that is set on the vocation of marriage. It is everywhere...it is the norm, but because of the prevalence of marriage and dating it is difficult to focus on the single life as an option...possibly why many don't even give it a thought.

I was introduced to a book a few weeks back, "Party of One: Living Single with Faith, Purpose, and Passion" - Beth M. Knobbe. Anyone interested in reading it is welcome to borrow it when I am finished, just let me know. I have only made it 4-5 chapters in so far but it has been an interesting way to look at the single life vocation. The book is written by someone who is living the single life, with excerpts from married who considered the single life and other singles who are still discerning or have decided to be single for the rest of their life. The book covers a little of the discernment process and addresses some of the things that singles are faced with: being questioned on why they are still single, not being considered 'grown-up' yet, and having relatives and friends try to set them up.

I will admit that this weeks post comes with a little stress...a third apology. This last week I was hit with a ton of marriage reminders while at Alive in You. Staff members my age, babies that came on the mission trip, talk from the adults about their spouses and their own children that they brought on the trip. It was a lot all at once to be surrounded by. I still struggle which direction I am being called married life or the single life without much movement toward one or the other. I sat in adoration at Alive in You on Saturday night asking where he wants me. Maybe I still have much to learn about silencing my mind, listening, and letting go. I can't find a happiness in either vocation because I am conflicted by the other. The cons of one vocation are the pros of the other, and thus they sit in balance difficult to find one rising above the other.

St. Louis...visiting Dominicans

I am in St. Louis for Solemn Vows, Brs. Luke, Nick, and Jude. (Pray for them and their continued ministry). I love hanging out with Dominicans. I was talking to the vocations director, and future vocations director, about the single life and the struggles I have come to while looking for information on it. Here is a short summary of what each had to say.

Fr. Andrew-Carl Wisdom: The closest thing in the Dominicans to the single life is the Dominican laity, which involves both married and single. One of our newest chapters is at Purdue. He also mentioned that vowed single life is not irreversable. In single life you devote yourself and your ministry to the church. You make your commitment first and foremost to your partner (the church) but if someone comes along that compliments your ministry then the possibility of marriage is still there. But they have to fit into the relationship you already have with the church.

Fr. Andrew McAlpin: You don't often hear much about the single life as a vocation. You very rarely hear someone discerning the married life and single life. You have to discern where you find yourself in peace. You can date as a single life as long as you let the other know you aren't marriage material. I am not in favor of long discernment processes, after a few years living the life, you learn the ins and outs, you know if you feel at peace with that vocation or not. It is a dilemma sometimes though, finding that peace.

I love what I do at St. Tom's, to the extent, that I feel called to that ministry and that I could do that for the rest of my life. Do I want for a spouse, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Can I give fully in my ministry with a spouse? Maybe. I have not yet found a girl that would compliment my ministry, obviously...I'm not married. But until I do, if I do, I can live in service to my church as a lay minister...maybe even a Third Order Dominican...?

God calls us to serve Him...and His Church

Well it seems that it is difficult for me to keep to a weekly schedule on this. Here is the next installment:

Website of the Week:
http://www.catholicyouth.freeservers.com/vocations/single_life.htm

What we pull from this:
Well, I feel that this site has given the best description of what someone in the Single Life is called to do.  The Single life vocation allows the person so give wholly of themselves to the Church. The article points out that the person is not bound to support a family or tied down by the rules of a community to only do certain types of work. This confirms some of my preconceived notions about the single life vocation and strengthens some of the things that I find most appealing about the single life. This vocation allows you to love your job/career for it's ministry to the world and you can give of yourself in all aspects of your career without the fear of being a "workaholic".  The single life asks those in this vocation to devote their lives to the cause of mother church in any way that they feel they can best serve her.

Also, in other news. In the continuation of my discernment, I found a conference that is being held this July for those discerning the religious life and lay ministry. I have applied and should know by mid-June...about the time I head down to Chattanooga with the Youth Group, whether or not I have been accepted. Should be a lot of fun and very informative if I get to go. Pray for me.

How to live as a Single Person...

Well...it has been about a week since my last one. This truly is like homework, I kinda put it off to the last minute, but it will get done. To be fair I started out by looking for a bunch of sites on the single life and I saved them all in a folder. Each week I am pulling a new one up to see what it has to say about this vocation.
          The Research Website of the Week
So there it is. I have mixed feelings about this one, maybe it is just old but either the USCCB doesn't have anything on the single life or I have found yet another dead end. BUT, the site does have some good pointers on how to live one's life as a Single. And these would be good things to look at for someone discerning any vocation. I am going to copy and past the list, and then go through in RED and offer my thoughts.

Nine Ways to Live as a Single Person

1. Make time for prayer.

• Reflect on the blessings and challenges of being single and the gifts you have to offer.
• What do I have to offer as a single to the church. What are the benefits the church and myself will recieve from devoting my life to serving her?
• Make prayer a part of your daily life.
• Use personal prayer, the Scriptures, journaling, meditation, and the Liturgy of the Hours.
• Schedule a personal or group retreat.
• This is something I know I need to do. I love going on retreats, but I don't think I have been on a retreat for me in oh...probably about 4 years...I think it's time.
• Plan a pilgrimage to a holy site. Visit area shrines and other historical religious sites.
• Hmm, never really thought about that. Should prolly look into this, there is a really cool walking stations place about 30-45 mins up the road...should prolly go check that out again.

2. Practice forgiveness.

• Learn to forgive and be forgiven.
• Examine your conscience, and practice fasting and sacrifice.
• Celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation.
• I need to do this more regularly...

3. Celebrate the Eucharist.

• Actively participate each Sunday.
• This almost seems like a cope out...as a Catholic this should be something that we do every Sunday, regardless.
• Register with your parish, and if you've already done so, look for ways to get more involved in the liturgy as a lector, Eucharistic minister, usher, musician, or choir member.

4. Live a just life.

• Work against discrimination, racism, and oppression.
• Treat all people with the dignity they deserve as sons and daughters of God.
• Participate in the national Pledge for Charity, Justice, and Peace
• Look for ways to simplify your life and share what you have with others.
• This is one of the most beautiful gifts that my old roommate Joe gave to me. During our last year living together he showed me how to live simply. He was preparing to enter the novitiate for the Dominicans. We didn't need cable, or a lot of the frilly stuff. It is better to spend that time with others that you would have spent watching TV anyway, and what good is money if you cannot use it to minister. A life of poverty may be difficult but I can understand the beauty and peace that it brings with it.

5. Help the poor.

• Look into local service opportunities or other ways your gifts can be used in service to others.
• Gather others together for group service projects. Practice charity by assisting those living in poverty, and promote community based solutions for injustice and poverty.

6. Be a domestic church.

• Establish personal traditions around holidays, special feast days, and other celebrations or memorials.
• I have not had much luck with this so far, I do not really have anything that is my own tradition, I feel like I should by now. I'll have to work on this.
• Offer your home as a place for friendship and hospitality.
• I feel like my office has become a place to get away from the day to day stuff and just relax. It is nice to leave the door open and see who wanders in.

7. Share faith.

• Talk about God's presence in your life with other people; be an evangelizer.
• Yeah LifeGuides, and to a certain extent as a campus ministeresque.
• Consider getting involved with your parish RCIA program for those learning more about the Catholic faith.
• Look for opportunities to invite others to experience your faith community.
• I think I can pull this off fairly easily...as long as I don't scare anyone off.

8. Join a small Christian community.

• Join a small faith group to receive support to live your faith.
• I know these exsist, and to a certain extent PCS and my friends fill this slot, but there are things out there like Frassati that I should get involved with.
• If one does not exist, form one of your own. Gather regularly for prayer, faith sharing, and community.

9. Know your faith.

• Look for opportunities for adult faith development and education.
• Visit a good bookstore or the Internet for resources on faith and the Church.
• Read the Scriptures.
• Begin a study of saints who lived a single life.
• I have the books, now I need to sit down and read them. There is a neat one I picked up about the Apostles that was written by the Pope. Not unlike the single life vocation it is very difficult to find information on St. Andrew, but I think he would be a good role model to look to concerning the single life.

So there is the list, now to live it. One of the biggest things I struggle with when discerning the single life is what I would be "giving up". This is where some of the tips they have listed come in, by leaning on others and group to help in your discernment. My struggle though is what I will miss out on; Do I want to be a father? Am I called to be a father? If I discern the single life, do I lose the chance at a comforting hug when I am hurting or alone? Can I find that in a friend. I am still at the "what am I giving up" stage (for the record that is a stage I just made up) am I ready to consciously discern, or have I been discerning well this entire time. When will I know?

Discernment is a is necessary but difficult task, sometimes it is easy, but mostly it is a struggle. "What have I got to lose" should not be the creedo, the focus should be "what do I have to gain". What will my vocation bring me in the end? God has a reason and a purpose for bringing me to a particular vocation. Finding that purpose theoretically will bring peace to my discernment, but finding that purpose is not going to be easy. Prayer, Reconciliation, Eucharist, Living Justly, Helping Others, Being a Friend, Sharing Faith, Community, and Knowing What you Believe are all steps in the right direction.

To Be or Not Able to Be...that is the answer?

Well tonight when I got on I realized I hadn't posted in a week. I promised I would try to do so at least once a week. I looked up Single Life on Google tonight and found this interesting test site: http://www.vocationnetwork.org/match?m=2 We'll see what I get...

Well...we can't decide vocation by a test...Looks like prayer is prolly a better way. I got a list of orders that I should check out...I don't really feel any push to look in to religious life. I love working for the Dominicans, but I don't know that I would be happy as a Dominican...Ironically, no Dominicans on the list.

On to some research...This article: http://www.pathsoflove.com/blog/2008/08/single-vocation-marriage-or-religious-life/ starts out saying that there is but one vocation, a call to love others. However, goes on to say (at least the way I understand it) that there really is no reason that one should enter into single life unless one is not able to marry due to physical or psychological reasons. It seems that if one is able to marry they should, or if one is mentally stable they should join the religious life and not offer their life to the church as a single, but as a member of a community. I do not believe the catechism says anything in particular about the single life as a vocation only that, "Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being".

I need to do these posts earlier in the day...well maybe later this week I will enter another post, with more research. Until then...keep praying...God's will in me be done!

Discerning His Call

Discernment...this seems like a good place to start. What is it? Why should I do it? Is it necessary? To be honest...no, but to be fair and truthful YES! Discernment is the most important part of any decision process, to say we do not discern is hilarious. We use discernment to choose between vanilla and chocolate, hamburgers and hot dogs, waffles and pancakes. I feel like Discernment is a big scary "d" word in the Catholic faith. "If I discern, that means I am going to end up as a priest." While that is possible, it is not a given. You will only end up with chrism on your hands if that is where He wants you.

We discern in almost every aspect of our lives, why should it be scary to discern what we will do for the rest of our life. We make a decision about what college to attend, there are factors at school A that we feel are better than school B, and I really like the campus at school C, but ultimately school F is the school that fits me the best, and that is where I end up. Sometimes the decision is more straight-forward than others, but we still use discernment to make that decision.

Discernment has played a huge role for me in the last few years...it's something I really didn't look at until after I graduated college. Discernment is something I laughed off, disregarded until a big slap in the face showed me that it was going to be a big part of my life. They say God laughs when we make plans; well God must not have been able to catch his breath after I graduated college.

Short run down, I thought I had it planned out. I was graduating, I was now licensed to do what I "knew" I was going to do since the 4th grade. I had a girlfriend of over 3 years, and I was ready to take on the world. That first month humbled me as after over 100 applications I found that almost no one was looking to hire a teacher, let alone a Social Studies teacher. My girlfriend broke up with me, and I was not ready to move back home and live with my parents. I had one good job offer, McDonald's.

I was lucky, I ended up working for the church that helped to give me a great college experience. And to think that coming in as a freshman I was worried I would be able to find/get involved at the Newman Center. I finally had the chance to stop and think about where I was going, and where God wanted me. I realized quickly that He had other plans for me, that He didn't need me as a teacher...at least not yet. I finally took the chance to stop and listen, made my first Come-and-See, something I had truthfully found good reasons not to make or had let schedule conflicts keep me from all 5 years for me. I finally stopped and listened to what discernment really was, and I finally took it seriously. Not everyone gets married, but more importantly I finally took the single life seriously. It started to click why people like Mary Stiller never got married, because they were not called to. They were able to serve Him more fully as a single than tied to a family or a community. I found peace that that one day that could be me, but also that it really wasn't my decision, but His, and I needed to listen closely and carefully. He is not going to shout it at me, "Hey Andy, Go ..." but he is going to give me clues and fill me with an immense happiness and joy in what I end up doing in service to Him.

Homework...

So here it goes...tonight at the final 9pm Mass for the year Fr. Mike gave us homework for the summer. "Find something about the Catholic Faith that you don't know much about and learn about it." I brushed it off at first. I graduated two years ago, I am done with homework right? Well... maybe not.

This blog is going to be my project for the summer. I have for awhile been discerning at the Single Life. But what is it? It is one of the three vocation paths: Religious Life (nuns, priests and brothers), Married Life (husband and wife) and then there is Single Life (???). What exactly is it, how do I get there, and what does it mean to vow one's life to the Church?... We shall find out, this is the mission for the summer! I'm sure the blog will jump around and back and forth...but I'd like to try to post at least once a week in an attempt to find out more about this mysterious vocation that still seems like a viable option.