The long road less traveled...

After a long summer I realize several things...first I have not kept up on this blog as I originally planned...I still feel almost just as lost as I did at the beginning of the summer...I have learned a lot, most of which did not come from a book or a website (but a lot of what I did read was backed up by real life experiences. That was a very long sentence.

As I prepare to leave for a conference on Tuesday, my reality has changed a lot since I sat down to start this blog at the beginning of the summer. I sat down in May thinking this will be easy...yes it is hard to find information, but maybe if I look hard enough I will find it. Easier said than done. It is very difficult to find information...I have been reminded of this at every turn and every new point of information, even when speaking to vocations directors...they don't know what to say about the vocation. So what is it really...

What I have found this summer is that the Single Life is an intentional choice. It is not something taken lightly, or the result of not being able to find a partner (though it may seem that way sometimes). This vocation can bring great joy, but it also carries with it a feeling of sadness and loneliness, (usually in those times when one is not serving but is reflecting). And this vocation can be played out in many different ways, just as each person's life and vocation is different...so is every vocation to the single life. Single life does not mean eternally single, but it can mean that you never will marry. The single life is a way in which an individual serves the Lord, in a way that brings that person an indescribable happiness that is often difficult to convey to others. Those around you can't understand why you would be doing what you are doing...but something about it feels right, even if you never saw yourself doing it, but you still press on finding joy in the littlest of things. For me one of the smallest places I find joy is the changing of a light bulb; seemingly insignificant but after 4-5 light bulbs if the first few hadn't been changed others would start to notice that it was growing darker...one light bulb will can change the feel of a room.

I apologize if this post seems ranty or jumbled...basically this is me spitting out what I have run through this summer and trying to get it all off my chest. This summer has not been easy, it has been very difficult to truly open myself to discernment of the single life. At points I feel like I probably could live the single life and be very happy, but at several points this summer I have asked myself why I even consider the single life and if I would ever be able to "give up" the married life vocation. I still maintain that I am heavily discerning between the two, some days I just lean farther one way than the other. Discernment is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I hope and pray that in the end it is worth it. Through the storm I will travel to find the calm waiting for me. The struggle now will prepare me for my future vocation...not saying I will be an expert...and the life to come.