I am learning more and more that the single life would be the much easier path for me. There are so many decisions that I want to make that would allow me to step forward in life...decitions that I would not be able to make attached to someone else. However, these decisions don't neccesarily cut out a future with a spouse. I continue to waver back and forth on which way to lean. I believe that the single life is one of the most difficult vocations to discern. First of all the most popular vocation, marriage, is the social norm and many do not understand/may even nudge you to keep looking for that future spouse...they're out there somewhere. Second, as a single you are still attracted to looking for a spouse, girls and guys don't stop looking cute when you commit yourself to the single life. Thirdly, not many people know about the single life as a vocation...even vocations directors have trouble explaining what it entails, or may not even bother with it if they don't sense that you have interest in the religious life, this can make the search even more frustrating....many play it off as not really being a legitamate vocation.
So we continue to discern, and try to find what it is that God has in store for us. What does he want to offer to us? Why does it sometimes feel like abandonment and loneliness? One day his plan will be revealed, until then prayer and discernment is what we have to lean on.
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